CHARACTERS:
Chris1 (Heart of the Matter, Layer Upon Layer, WC 20)
Chris2 (The Three Young Men in the Life of Chris)
Kris1 (Bicolandia, WC 6)
Kris2 (WC22)
Joe (Magkano, WC 14, 18, 23)
*WC – Writing Challenge Day Number
CHRIS1
So…Riley…
CHRIS2
It’s not even the text I’m after. For crying out loud, how lazy was he to think of names?
CHRIS1
I must say, it is pretty decent.
KRIS2
Blob – blob – blob – sorry, continue, I still need to swim around.
KRIS1
He did try to make us different characters. I mean, I’m a tribal warrior.
CHRIS1
I’m a futuristic painter rebel.
CHRIS2
I’m a creative writing major at up.
KRIS2
I’m absurd!
JOE
You’re all gay!
(All the Chris’ and Kris’ look at him.)
JOE
Well. You are.
CHRIS2
Is he not capable of writing straight men? Urgh.
JOE
Hello? What am I?
CHRIS2
You’re not counted. You’re a slutty callboy. He loves slutty callboys.
KRIS1
We’re still bad-ass. I kill robots.
CHRIS1
He made me talk in broken english just because it was kwoool.
KRIS2
Sorry! Can you hear me?!
KRIS1
Well…he did make me bipolar.
CHRIS2
He made me really slutty.
CHRIS1
Me too!
KRIS1
Me too!
KRIS2
Me too!
JOE
Me too!
KRIS1
Wait. Did he use that silly ‘Chris Chris pa-kiss line with you?’
CHRIS1
Oh dear god, yes!
CHRIS2
Can’t he think of anything else?
KRIS2
He didn’t use that with me.
CHRIS1
Loser. He only needed you for one writing challenge.
CHRIS2
To be fair, if he expanded your story, I would bet my existence he would use ‘Chris Chris pa-kiss’ too.
JOE
Come on, guys, be nice to Riley.
CHRIS1
Easy for you to say. He loves you the most.
JOE
That’s not true.
CHRIS2
Oh please, he hasn’t revised me in months.
CHRIS1
He made me dance around naked on a beach. For no particular reason.
KRIS1
Hello? Gratuitous graphic gay tribal sex?
JOE
Well, I guess. He has been revising me constantly.
KRIS2
He really has a thing for callboys.
JOE
As he said, and I quote – It’s not a Riley Palanca-play without a callboy.
(Sigh)
How passe.
CHRIS2
Passe. Is that something a callboy would say?
JOE
I don’t know, he just made me say it!
KRIS2
Hello! Please give me a life.
CHRIS2
You should be happy he hasn’t developed you yet. Dear lord, just imagine, he made me sleep with my best friend, my boyfriend and a slutty young fratman.
KRIS1
That’s kinda hot. He’s really into the gay thing, I think.
JOE
I suppose. I do service gay clients.
CHRIS1
Do you think he’s sexist?
CHRIS2
Well, there are no women in The Three Young Men in the Life of Chris.
KRIS1
None in Bicolandia.
JOE
None in Magkano.
KRIS2
None, but then again, mine is short.
CHRIS1
Well, there are a couple of women in my Chrisverse, but one of them’s an evil Mother Superior and the other is a slutty young lesbian nun who gets her arm chopped off.
CHRIS2
Sounds pretty sexist to me.
KRIS1
I guess he’s pretty drained.
CHRIS2
Right. Five writing subjects in one sem. Jesus.
CHRIS1
Stands to logic that some of us have to be compromised for others.
(ALL THE CHRIS’ and KRIS’ GLARE AT JOE)
KRIS2
Depressing. Depressing. I would long to be in the hands of another playwright.
KRIS1
Me too.
CHRIS1
Me too.
CHRIS2
Me too.
JOE
Really? I’m kind of happy the way I am.
ALL THE CHRIS’ and KRIS’
THAT’S BECAUSE HE LOVES YOU THE MOST!
